Idoma: Traditional marriage and the challenges of civilization by Ugwu Lawrence

He informs his family of his desire and they will in turn choose a go-between (a person who is familiar with the girl’s family).The go-between investigates the family of the prospective bride to ascertain that the family has no history of specific ailments such as mental disease, epilepsy, untimely death, infertility and/or similar problems. If the result of this investigation is positive, the prospective groom’s family visits the woman’s family with gifts of Kolanut and palm wine.

During the initial introduction, the date for the wedding ceremony is proposed by the husband to be and his family. After much deliberation, an acceptable date is reached by both families and a list of required traditional items to be brought to the girl’s family on the day of the engagement is given to the man. The items differ from intra-tribal group to intra-tribal group. Basic among these items are: walking stick, cap and cloths for the father of the girl, clothes for the mother of the girl, some tubers of yam, one or two bags of salt, a she goat,  palm wine, clothes  for the wife to be, etc.

The bride’s mother buys her cooking utensils and food because she is not expected to go to the market for the first five market days after her marriage. These items (which are more than those listed in the list above) are brought to the family of girl on the engagement day, signifying that the husband-to-be can take care of his wife.

On the engagement day and in addition to the bride-price, the groom must pay a dowry to the bride’s father; this involves a significant amount of bargaining. Also the bride’s mother’s must be given certain money, with the groom’s family determining the amount. The amount varies with level of the bride’s education and productivity. Then the groom’s family gives the bride a rooster and some money. If she accepts these gifts and gives them to her mother, she indicates her acceptance of the groom and is showered with gifts and money, but if she refuses to marry the man after these gifts have been provided, the bride’s family will return everything. At the end of the eating and drinking, the wife is finally handed over to her husband’s family.

Ideally, the bride is expected to be a virgin, as it is a source of pride and joy to her family. In the ancient times, if she is found not to be a virgin, she is taken to the husband’s family’ ancestral shrine for cleansing. After cleansing, an ancestral sash would be put on her to invoke fertility.