[Opinion] Shitty Garbage and the Gang, by Peter Shande

Ordinarily, one would have dismissed Garba Shehu’s orphic gibberish, in purportedly responding to Gov. Ortom’s interview of 25th August on Channels TV, as the braying of the colt of an ass. Unfortunately for the fruity chap, Ortom seemed to have spoken the mind of not a few patriots of note and Garba’s lame attempt at defence has rather irked more than assuage the feelings of those under the yoke of his President’s crass ineptitude, brazen impunity, a painful docility; hitherto unknown and a fatally nonchalant imbecility and artificiality. Depending, that is, on which area of national life is in question.

If you have had occasion to watch the movie, The Good, The Bad and The ugly, you must come to realize that this yokel has a many aliases as Tuco Benedicto. Whereas the digital system has christened him “Garbage”, some heedless but unkind traveler thinks it is more fitting that he answers to “Shege” to go in place of the Shehu. Yet the parallel doesn’t end there: you will recall the scene where “Angel Eyes” was ruminating that a dirty little rat like Tuco must have a guardian angel. So is it with the Garbage at issue. Clearly a scrawny-necked vegetable stands behind as the guardian angel of this piece of cow dung, which may be the Presidency we keep getting told of.

Is tragically possible that to this Garbage, moral discourse, as it were, has irreversibly given way to mortal conflict, in which Garbage and the Shits seemingly have a temporary upper hand and therefore it is expedient that the morally significant human action should stand suspended for animal behavior.

It is also sad that a chap who is supposed to be educated cannot understand that a system that systematically tramples on the mores and values by which the largest number of people give meaning to their lives and insists on massive violations of human rights, massive killings and pervasive intimidations, when it comes to hold fort, is a sick one. It behooves on people of principle, like the Benue governor, to avoid these standard practices of 20th Century totalitarianism. Gov. Ortom only did what the times dictated to promote amongst his people the basic principles of freedom, independence, tolerance, freedom and security. But I suppose these terms are too alien to the coercive tendencies of a Presidency you serve, Monsieur Garbage.

You lead your people into doing hateful and wolfish sort of things with no mercy in them and then turn around crying foul, when such atrocities are mentioned. Even with your uncouth morals and such ignoble mind like the devil, you really believe that in your deepest of wiles you can persuade the world that you are not on a mission of genocide? How can you, therefore rail or dwell on impropriety of inciting ethnic or religious hatred when it’s what you foster? If the people of Benue are good and fair-minded, why do you routinely point your Fulani herdsmen vandals this way each time you wish to indulge in your senseless orgies of plunder, rape and mass murders? Gov. Ortom shouldn’t have mentioned those responsible for these evil acts because they are of Buhari’s ethnic group? How does that translate as incitement of farmers against Fulani herdsmen, reputedly the world’s 4th deadliest terrorists on the terror index?

You dare to mention Rwanda? Why not Sudan from where you have taken your lessons? Are you not afraid that like Omar al Bashir, Buhari’s plans will come apart eventually? Is that why a superstitious little pagan like you recoils at mentioning Omar al Bashir, his fate and what became of his Janjaweed Militia?

Sincerely, a piece of cow dung must be pitied. A scion of a court jester who is condemned to remain in that lowly position but sees grandeur in his station, feasting of remnants from the table deserves nothing less. That you spew this amount of venom defending a mean and empty-headed character with the general air of incipient ruin makes you irredeemably evil and simply casts you as another living monument of ineptitude.

Shitty Garba, please do concentrate on tranquilized conveyor belt for government releases and “backgrounders” from the likes of Lying Mohammed. That’s why you were employed.  Don’t go overreaching yourself by questing after headaches, fevers and fluxions on matters beyond your scope. Stop trying to appear tough, abrasive and dictatorial. It is most unconvincing and doesn’t suit the style the son of a court jester should adopt. Neither religion, morality nor reason supports your cloth-headed ramblings.

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